The Ignition of Our Hearts

 This year on erev erev Pesach, at Kabbalat Shabbat I gave a drasha. As I reached for my notes I realized immediately that I had printed out a rough draft, and not the final version. I gave a drasha that I liked well enough, but not the version I had hoped to give. This week, I've been returning to the text of the Sfat Emet that forms the basis of the drasha and wanted to give this more complete drasha a home. 

This week, in the first few verses of Tzav, our parasha, we read: 

וְהָאֵ֨שׁ עַל־הַמִּזְבֵּ֤חַ תּֽוּקַד־בּוֹ֙ לֹ֣א תִכְבֶּ֔ה וּבִעֵ֨ר עָלֶ֧יהָ הַכֹּהֵ֛ן עֵצִ֖ים בַּבֹּ֣קֶר בַּבֹּ֑קֶר וְעָרַ֤ךְ עָלֶ֙יהָ֙ הָֽעֹלָ֔ה וְהִקְטִ֥יר עָלֶ֖יהָ חֶלְבֵ֥י הַשְּׁלָמִֽים׃

אֵ֗שׁ תָּמִ֛יד תּוּקַ֥ד עַל־הַמִּזְבֵּ֖חַ לֹ֥א תִכְבֶּֽה

The fire on the altar shall be kept burning, not to go out: each and every morning the priest should feed it wood, lay out the burnt offering on it, and smoke the fat parts of the שלמים, wholeness offering. A perpetual fire is kindled on the altar, it will not be extinguished.

The language of the איש תמיד, the perpetual fire, has captured the Jewish imagination for centuries. In the commentaries you can find the rabbis digging into how similar and different it is from the נר תמיד that the priests light every day. The gemara discusses how many piles of wood, how many fires were ongoing. You could spend a whole week just reading what people have to say about the שלמים,wholeness,  offering.

This week, there was one voice that opened the text up for me in a new way. The Sefat Emet, written by the Rebbe Yehuda Leib Alter of Ger - a pillar of chasidic thought, was composed in the nineteenth century. He writes about these verses that

ידוע מדברי קדשו של הבעש"ט כי צריך להיות תמיד נקודה הִתְלַהֲבוּת בלב איש ישראל.

It is known from the holy words of the Baal Shem Tov that we need to always, perpetually have a point of burning inflamation, enthusiasm,  in our hearts

…המזבח רמז על הלב. ותמיד אינו דייקא בזמן אבל צריך להיות הִתְלַהֲבוּת על תמיד.

The word altar, hints at the heart. The word תמיד, perpetual, does not mean time precisely, but rather it needs to be enflamed by daily practice, in their case of sacrifice. 

 וכשמקבל על עצמו בכל לב ונפש שלא יִשְׁתַּנֶּה אז לא תכבה.

And when one takes it upon themselves in all of their heart and soul to not change their own essence, then the fire will not be extinguished.

I was struck by this word הִתְלַהֲבוּת, which can be translated as to be inflamed, enthusiastic, inspired. להב, the root it comes from, has an association with forces of nature like, wind, thunder, earthquake, fire, rain, and hail. It’s a word that sparkles, and glistens. I want to translate it, more holistically, as enliven. What are the things that fuel the aliveness inside of us? What makes us feel enthusiastic, loud, and strong like a force of nature? These things are the fuel for the אש תמיד, turning our our hearts into a perpetual altar.

It is not always easy though, to notice, embrace, and pursue these points of התלהבות הלב. Over the past few months, particularly since the election, I have embarked on an intentional project to try and notice more clearly the נקודה התלהבות בלב points of enlivenment and enthusiasm in my heart. I have tried to notice more closely what the things are that make me feel alive and light me up inside. I often ask myself, when I am exhausted and scared and sucked into doomscrolling on my phone, where is the source of life inside of my body? Where are the things that make me feel like wind or thunder?  I have begun keeping track of these things as antidotes to the calcification of my heart. In this time where we must relentlessly pursue hearts that are open to connection, even amidst grief and fear, they have become sacred and crucial ritual practices. I try to embrace these things, even when I do not feel I am good at them, or that I have done enough to “deserve them”. I push myself to paint; I dance somewhat off rhythm; I go on a walk just long enough to see a plant beginning to bud.

Even when I feel most frozen, furthest from my own sense of fire and enthusiasm, the התלהבות is still there. But, I have to seek it out intentionally, and perhaps most importantly, with regularity. This I think, is what the Sefat Emet means when he tells us that the word תמיד, perpetually, isn’t precisely about time but rather about the routine offering of the daily sacrifice. It may not be linear, it is just important that we are persistent. 

 וכשמקבל על עצמו בכל לב ונפש שלא יִשְׁתַּנֶּה אז לא תכבה.

When we accept upon ourselves in our hearts and souls, that we will not change our own essences, then the fire does not go out.

It is embracing our own essences, the things that light each of us up individually, that allows us to keep the fire burning. What makes you התלהבות בלב may be different than the person sitting next you. The sefat emet makes a radical call for self-acceptance and the pursuit of joy and connection as a spiritual practice. It is not superfluous, it is necessary. All the more so now when there are so many forces seeking to hollow us out inside, to put our precious fires out.

In just 24 hours Pesach will begin. All of us will take on the mitzvah, the responsibility, to see ourselves as if we had left מצרים, the narrow place. We are invited to notice the places where we are constricted and constrained and, in the ways that are available to us, to pursue expansiveness. The sefat emet writes, on a passage later in Vayikra, commenting on G1d’s reminder to us to not follow in the restrictive ways of the Egyptians that

בנ"י צריכין לקדש כל מעשיהם להדביקם בשורש החיות וליקח מהם חיות
 

The Jewish people need to sanctify all their actions that bring them close to the roots of their life-force, and take from that life force.

When un-learning restrictive ways of being, we need to honor and sanctify everything that brings us close to שורש החיות, to the התלהבות בלב to the roots of life-force and the enflaming of the heart.  

Leaving mitzrayim is not easy, and connection to the שורש החיות is not so simple. As I try to notice the things that enliven me, I am also trying to notice what keeps me from engaging with them. What stills my hand and stops me from allowing my heart to wake up? Sometimes it is my phone and sometimes, it is because I have internalized stories that if something brings too much joy it might just be frivolous or not worth my time. Slowly, as I notice the things that hold me back from the שורש החיות, I begin to defuse them, and set them aside.

In their wake, there is more room for my own perpetual fire practice to emerge. I have begun to understand, just a little bit more each day, week, and month, what my own life force feels like. I am learning to sit patiently and draw it out towards me. These shifts do not only impact how I feel internally, but the more connected I am to that source of life - the more able I am to show up in the world in meaningful ways. The source of life opens doors of movement, allowing us to show up fiercely to the work of caring for this world.

This Shabbat ha’gadol, this special Shabbat that will welcome us into Pesach, I want to invite us into a fiery and loving search for what makes our hearts open up in enthusiasm. What makes us feel strong, like wind or like thunder? How do we reach towards, and repeatedly light the fires on our hearts? I invite you to ask your loved ones at the seder table, and to delight in their answers. May this passover bring us hearts that are התלהבות, and deep שורשים, roots into the source of all life-force. May every אש תמיד burn bright, and help light the way through the sea out of מצרים. Shabbat shalom, chag sameach, and a zissen, sweet pesach.